The loss figure coldly stands there:
FIL perpetual contract, opened at 1.38, kept 'averaging down on faith', until I was numb, finally sold at 1.107.
Total loss: 154.6 FIL, which is several thousand U at the current price.
Return rate: -273%, it's truly ironic, I can't hold on when I make 10%, but I dare to hold on when I lose over 200%.
I was flipping through my trading records, my hands were numb.
Opened position on January 13, at that time I still thought I had 'bought the dip'.
As a result, FIL kept declining, I kept averaging down, the more I averaged down, the more it fell, and the more it fell, the more I averaged down.
I always thought: 'I'll exit if it rebounds a bit'.
Once it really rebounded, I thought 'it can go higher', only to watch it crash down again.
By the early morning of February 1, I finally collapsed and closed everything with one click.
I clearly know I should cut losses, but my hands keep dragging.
The moment I cut losses isn’t relief, it’s complete exhaustion.
What am I really doing???
Adding to positions on the way down, and then doing nothing as it rebounds!
Isn't this the gambler's logic of 'averaging down on losses and running on gains'?
I rush to take profits after a 10% gain, but hold on desperately after a 200% loss.
Why do I keep repeating the same mistakes? Why can’t I learn to cut losses?
It's not that I haven't set rules, it's that I haven't executed them at all.
Once my mindset collapses, I forget all discipline, and only the words 'get back to even' burn in my mind.
Why do I shout $FIL to short while silently going long?
Looking at this screenshot feels like getting slapped in the face.
On January 31, I analyzed clearly in the square:
"$FIL New lows every day, 92% of people are going long; going short is standing with the few winners."
Yet at the same time, my Binance account is filled with continuous margin calls and bleeding long positions.
How ironic.
My mind clearly understands the data—extreme bias in long vs. short, downward trend, weak rebounds.
Yet my hands seemed enchanted, tightly holding onto long positions, averaging down close to liquidation.
What am I really fighting against?
Perhaps what I'm fighting against isn't the market, but that part of me that 'refuses to admit mistakes.'
Going long was because I once believed it would rise; after losing, all the 'averaging down' was not analysis, but unwillingness.
Even if I shout bearish, I secretly hope for a miracle rally to let me 'exit gracefully'.
A clear mind, but uncontrolled hands—
This is the cruelest split in trading:
You know what to do, but you can't do it.
Because 'execution' isn’t about being smart, it’s about discipline and being harsh on oneself.
I will keep this screenshot forever.
It reminds me:
Words spoken, if not acted upon, are self-deceit.
If you're bearish, then short; if you're bullish, then go long.
If words and actions don’t match, it means emotions are trading, not me.
From now on:
1. Before making a public statement, check your position first.
2. If you find your viewpoint contradicts your position, close it immediately and follow reason.
3. Never again say 'bearish' while being 'bullish'—this is a split personality trading strategy, guaranteed to fail.
I can’t live like this anymore.
Either completely shut up or align words with actions.
Better to miss out than to lose control.
As soon as I pulled up the annual statement, I laughed.
For a whole year, I felt like a patient hunter, but the prey was my own capital.
-2,053.60 USD, -1.01%.
The numbers may not seem large, but this has been a prolonged torture for 365 days.
